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Social Anxiety: 3 Fantastic Tips To Face Your Fears

  • Writer: Jeromy Deleff, MACP, CT, CCC, CCTP-II
    Jeromy Deleff, MACP, CT, CCC, CCTP-II
  • Sep 29
  • 8 min read

Updated: Oct 13

Moody illustration of a Calgary man under pressure representing social anxiety and social phobia, highlighting therapy for social anxiety.

Social anxiety is an intense fear of judgment in social or performance situations that lead to avoidance and stress. It's common, treatable, and not your fault. Below, you'll learn what it is, why your brain does this, and three expert-backed ways to face your fears—at a pace that respects your nervous system.


Key Takeaways For Coping With Social Anxiety

  • Your threat system is overprotective, not broken—learn to reset it in small, steady steps.

  • Emotions are signals, not instructions; name, normalize, and negotiate with them.

  • Micro-exposures beat white-knuckle leaps: design tiny, repeatable reps that build confidence.

  • Effective care exists: CBT remains a first-line option; some people also benefit from medication, skills work (IFS, DBT), or both.

  • You don’t have to do this alone—skilled support and community help you go farther, safely.


Estimated read time: 9 minutes


If you’re looking for steady support, learn more about Compassionate Central’s Anxiety Therapy. Early momentum matters; even one clarifying conversation can lower the “where do I start?” barrier.


You might also find these related reads helpful:

You’re not weak for feeling this way. Social anxiety can be exhausting—planning, rehearsing, replaying every interaction. As an anxiety counsellor, I’ve seen how much relief arrives when you have language for what’s happening and a map for what to try next. The steps below are simple, not easy, and you can tailor them to fit your life in Calgary or wherever you call home.


What Is Social Anxiety?

Social anxiety is a persistent fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected in social or performance situations. It often begins in adolescence and can show up as blushing, a racing heart, trembling, nausea, or a mind that goes blank—plus the urge to avoid. These are common, human nervous-system responses, not character flaws. Evidence-based definitions emphasize that the fear is out of proportion to actual threat and lasts for six months or more, causing distress or interference at work, school, or home.


You’ll see the terms social phobia and social anxiety disorder used interchangeably in older and newer materials; current diagnostic language favors “social anxiety disorder.” Knowing the name isn’t about labeling—it’s a way to connect you with tools that work.


Common signs of social anxiety include anticipatory worry (“I’ll mess up”), safety behaviors (over-preparing, avoiding eye contact, rehearsing lines), and post-event rumination (“Why did I say that?”). Physical signs of social anxiety—like sweating, shaking, flushing, or a tight chest—are your body’s protective alarm. Social anxiety symptoms also include subtle emotional symptoms: shame, self-criticism, and loneliness. These patterns are widespread and highly treatable.


Tip 1: Reset Your Threat System During Anxiety In Social Situations

When your brain tags conversation as dangerous, it fires up fight/flight/freeze. You can’t logic your way out of a threat response—at least not at first. Start with body-down skills, then bring in thinking skills.


A quick three-step rese::.

  1. Orient: Gently turn your head and eyes to notice three neutral objects in the room. Name them. This tells your amygdala, “We’re here, not in a courtroom.”

  2. Exhale-lengthening: Breathe in for 4, out for 6–8, three times. Longer exhales signal safety to your vagus nerve.

  3. Micro-permission: Whisper internally, “It makes sense I’m anxious. I can take one small step.”


From there, choose one tiny behavior that contradicts avoidance: meet the barista’s eyes for two seconds; join a call with camera off but “present;” ask one genuine question in a meeting. These are micro-exposures—yes, exposure therapy is a core ingredient of effective care, but we do it compassionately and gradually. NICE guidance places individualized cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)—including careful behavioral experiments—among first-line options for adults with social anxiety disorder.


Technology can help too: virtual-reality exposure therapy (VRET) shows promise for practicing social challenges in simulated environments. Early meta-analyses suggest it can reduce fear compared to waitlists, though results are mixed when stacked against full CBT. Translation: VR can be a useful bridge, not necessarily a replacement for therapist-guided CBT.


Tip 2: Work With Emotional Symptoms (Not Against Them)

Emotions carry information. Anxiety says, “something important is at stake.” Shame says, “I’m worried I don’t belong.”


Instead of suppressing or over-identifying, try a three-part script:

Name it: “Anxiety is here.” Normalize it: “Lots of people feel this.” Negotiate with it: “If you’re protecting me, let’s pick a smaller step together.”


Self-compassion is not coddling—it’s an evidence-based regulator that lowers harsh self-criticism and improves willingness to face feared situations. Research finds people with social anxiety disorder tend to have lower self-compassion; boosting it can reduce social interaction anxiety by improving emotion regulation. (Think of self-compassion as the cushion that makes practice possible.) Kristin Neff’s framework—mindfulness, common humanity, self-kindness—offers language and exercises you can try between sessions.


If you want to explore this further, Dr. Neff’s work is a thoughtful place to start: Kristin Neff, PhD — Self-Compassion.


Tip 3: Build Micro-Exposures For Social Phobia

Think “reps,” not “heroics.” Design a ladder from easiest to hardest, then practice one step until boredom replaces fear. A sample sequence:

  • Text a friend a simple check-in.

  • Say hello to a cashier and let there be a 2-second silence.

  • Add your name and one idea in a small meeting.

  • Attend a community event for 10 minutes, then leave on purpose.

  • Ask for clarification once in a class or training.


Anchor each rep with a 60-second cooldown: slow exhale breathing and a quick “debrief” (what went okay, what to tweak). Cognitive therapy protocols from thought leaders like David M. Clark emphasize precise behavioral experiments—testing feared predictions (“If I pause, people will think I’m stupid”) rather than forcing yourself through blunt exposure. Calibrated exposure is kinder and more effective than white-knuckling.


If you prefer values-based approaches, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), advanced by Steven C. Hayes, helps you practice toward what matters (friendship, learning, service) even when anxiety rides along. That “make room, choose, and act” rhythm pairs well with exposure ladders.


When To Consider Social Anxiety Treatment Options

If worry and avoidance are shrinking your life, a structured plan can help. For many adults, individualized CBT remains a first-line option. Some benefit from adding medication—often an SSRI or SNRI—especially when symptoms are moderate to severe or when therapy alone hasn’t moved the needle. Your primary care provider or psychiatrist can discuss risks, benefits, and timelines; medications typically take several weeks to work and are often combined with psychotherapy for anxiety. Local guidance in Alberta echoes these options, reminding us that counselling and sometimes medicine can both play a role.


If you’re exploring psychotherapy for anxiety, look for a clinician who can explain the treatment map in plain language, co-create exposure steps with you, and celebrate small wins. A strong alliance often matters as much as the modality. It’s also okay to ask about approaches we offer at Compassionate Central—Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), and Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT)—and how they’ll be woven together for your goals.


A quick symptom compass: signs of social anxiety include persistent fear of scrutiny, avoidance, physical activation (sweating, trembling, blushing), and post-event rumination. If this sounds familiar and has lasted months, consider an initial consult with an anxiety therapist to clarify next steps. For trustworthy overviews of social anxiety disorder, NIMH and CAMH both provide clear, accessible guides.


FAQ: Anxiety Therapist Answers

Q1. Is social anxiety disorder the same as social phobia? A. Yes. Older materials say “social phobia,” but current diagnostic language is “social anxiety disorder.” The meaning is the same; the update modernized terminology.

the terminology has been updated.


Q2. What are the most common symptoms of social anxiety? A. Fear of negative evaluation, avoidance, and physical activation (blushing, sweating, trembling), plus post-event rumination and self-criticism. If these persist for months and interfere with life, consider an assessment.


Q3. What’s the best counselling for anxiety if I’m shy but functional? A. “Best” depends on fit, but individualized CBT with graded behavioral experiments has strong evidence; ACT and skills from DBT can support emotion regulation. Interview providers and ask for a tailored plan.


Q4. Do medications help social anxiety symptoms? A. Many people benefit from SSRIs/SNRIs, especially when symptoms are moderate to severe. Medication often pairs with therapy for better, steadier results. Discuss pros/cons with your prescriber.


Q5. How do I start coping with social anxiety if exposure sounds terrifying? A. Begin with micro-exposures (very small steps) after a quick body reset, then debrief. VR practice can help some people but isn’t a full replacement for well-delivered CBT.


Q6. Is this article medical advice? A. No. It’s informational and educational. For a diagnosis or personalized plan, consult a qualified clinician.


Calgary Clinic Info

Compassionate Central: Counselling & Therapy 5940 Macleod Trail SW, Suite #500, Calgary, AB T2H 2G4 Phone: (587) 328-7732 Booking portal: Directions & Appointments Services: Depression Therapy, Anxiety Therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Internal Family Systems, and Dialectical Behavioural Therapy for adults; in-person sessions. Sliding-scale spots released periodically.

Accessibility: Elevator access; on-site parking; transit-friendly. Learn more about our Calgary Counselling & Therapy Services.


Ready to take one low-pressure step? Book a free 20-minute phone consultation to see if we’re a good fit and map a gentle first move: Schedule your consult.


References


Local resources (Alberta & Calgary):


Thought leaders cited in-text:


When Anxiety And Depression Co-Exist

Are you also worried about depression? It’s common for anxiety and depression to show up together and to quietly intensify each other—worry drains energy; low mood shrinks activity; both increase isolation. The good news: evidence-based steps (structured activation, realistic thinking, exposure to avoidances, sleep supports, and connection) help both.


Here are four Calgary-relevant pieces if low mood is part of your picture:


Author

Headshot of an anxiety counsellor in a Calgary clinic setting supporting adults coping with social anxiety.
Jeromy is the founder of Compassionate Central: Counselling & Therapy in Calgary. He provides professional, licensed, trauma-informed counselling for adults navigating concerns like anxiety, depression, addiction, grief, relationship challenges, and other mental health conditions. His warm, human, intentionally paced approach integrates evidence-based modalities such as Internal Family Systems (IFS), Compassionate Inquiry, and DBT. Jeromy holds a Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology (Yorkville University) and practices as a Canadian Certified Counsellor (CCC), an ACTA-registered Counselling Therapist (CT), and a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional Level II (CCTP-II).

If you are in immediate distress or thinking about suicide, call 911, or call/text 9-8-8. In Calgary, you can also call or text Distress Centre Calgary at 403-266-4357; across Alberta, contact the Mental Health Help Line at 1-877-303-2642.


This article is informational and not medical advice. If you’re unsure whether what you’re experiencing is social anxiety disorder, a brief consult with a licensed professional can help you decide on next steps.

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